WhyIsThat?

Even though the Emily Post Institute says that it is completely acceptable to wear white after Labor Day, I still break into a sweat at the thought. The rule was so deeply instilled in me as a child that the day after Labor Day, my favorite white shoes go back into storage for the next nine months. #WhyIsThat?

white shoes

 

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I got up early to take her for a nice, long walk. She enjoyed herself and I got my exercise. We got home and she went right to the front door and pooped on the floor. #WhyIsThat?

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I’ve planned my summer vacation since last year. I rented a beachfront house, arranged to take the week off from work, and bought a new bathing suit. We’ve had a drought all summer, but the one week it decides to rain is the very week I was scheduled to be sipping margaritas by the ocean. #WhyIsThat?

Beach, Charlesworth Bay, Coffs Harbour

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I’ve known her for years. We get together every few months. I know all about her kids, her career, we’ve even been on committees together. Then, I run into her on the street and go to introduce her to my husband, and her name escapes me. It’s just gone. My mind is blank. #WhyIsThat?

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I got myself a Fitbit. I downloaded the app on my phone. I’ve been diligent about following the allotted number of calories. I’m moving more than I have in ages. After four days, I gained 4.5 pounds. #WhyIsThat?

why is that

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By my age, I would think wrinkle cream is enough. No. I’m still using acne treatment, too. #WhyIsThat? #MySkinIsConfused

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I make my signature dish flawlessly for my family, time after time. When I make it to impress my guests, inevitably I burn it. #WhyIsThat? #PerformanceAnxiety

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I finally drift off into an Ambien-induced sleep, hoping to get a decent night’s rest after a stressful week, when inevitably one of my kids calls with an emergency. #WhyIsThat? #Neverending

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If I set my fork down for just a moment in a restaurant, or take a second to digest my food, the hovering waiters dash over to try to take my plate away. #WhyIsThat?

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No matter how many pairs of shoes she destroys or how many times I have to clean up the puddle she made on the carpet, I can’t stay mad at this face. #WhyIsThat?

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I always crave the extravagant delicacies of the fanciest 5-star restaurants when I have run out of this month’s disposable income. #WhyIsThat?

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Either I have absolutely no plans and nothing to do, or I get three invitations for the same evening. #WhyIsThat?

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Every January 1st, I pull out all of my Jillian Michaels’ DVDs. By January 2nd, they’re all back in their drawer. #WhyIsThat?

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We have 364 days to shop for Christmas, but we all wait until the week before to finish. #WhyIsThat?

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The longer my to-do list is, the less productive I become. #WhyIsThat?

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As soon as the lights go down in the theater, it’s my body’s cue to fall asleep. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a movie from start to finish. #WhyIsThat?

sleeping-audience

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No matter which line I choose at the grocery store, mine always ends up being the slowest. #WhyIsThat?

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My husband is an avid Giants fan. I’m an avid fan of whichever team looks best in its uniforms. #WhyIsThat?

football

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I do my best writing when I’m in the shower…and there’s no chance of getting to my computer. #WhyIsThat?

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My husband’s snoring does a better job of keeping me awake than two cups of coffee. #WhyIsThat? #SoTired

snoring

Photo courtesy of mymdnow.com

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Mentally, I’m most motivated to exercise right after a huge meal. Physically, I’m most motivated…never. #WhyIsThat? #SoLazy

lazy-woman

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I found out my husband has a Pinterest board:

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It never occurred to me that men have Pinterest boards. #WhyIsThat? #AmISexist?

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My friends and I hated wine growing up; now it’s all we drink. #WhyIsThat? #BetterWithAge

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About to bake my son’s birthday cake and discover my milk and eggs are expired. #WhyIsThat? #JustGreat

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My hair always looks best right before I get it cut. #WhyIsThat? #GirlProblems

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New Jersey is called America’s armpit but its nickname is The Garden State. #WhyIsThat? #Irony

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I constantly crave all kinds of cheese but I’m lactose intolerant. #WhyIsThat? #SoSad

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It’s called menses but it doesn’t happen to men. #WhyIsThat? #Irony

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What a beautiful summer! I enjoy it so much from inside my air conditioned house. #WhyIsThat? #summer

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I know every word to American Pie but can’t remember my age. #WhyIsThat? #GettingOld

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When I was young, I lived with a hula hoop circling my waist. Now it’s on the floor in two spins. #WhyIsThat? #GettingOld

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#NYC drivers are said to be the worst, but they are the only ones who really know how to drive in NYC. #WhyIsThat?

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